Trying to be a Posh mom

PART 1 – April 23 2024

I am Natalia, 39 years old very closed to 40 and very very very lost….

I have two kids, Sophie & Lucas.

Sophie is a 6 years old, independent, very independent, a bit shy, but once she open, the shyness go away. I do not event thing I can describe my daughter and that makes me so sad. I hope out here somebody feels like me, because if not, I feel even worse.

Sophie is a mini me, but in the bad way. she copies every single bad thing that I do and copies every single good thing that her dad does. How is that?

That make me feel not the best.

I love her so much, but I know I am not as good mom as her dad is a good dad, he knows everything, it is like he has a book for all that he does. He knows how to calm her, he knows what to say, he knows how to act, he knows when to be quiet.

On other hand, I over react, I am not patient, I do not know how to deal with her in the proper way, and I do not like to play.

I know it sound like the worse mom ever, but I am not that bad. I have been just lost. I want to show her how much I love her, I try on my way but life is just to big sometimes.

So, I decided to just write, so I can get it all out of my heart, it could sound silly, but it may work.

This is for you Sophie, I write because I need to find me, so can be a better mom for you.

I am perfectionist, I know that, I am very passionate, I love to work, I believe work make me a little bit who I am.

Am I the only person feeling like me right now? am I the only mom, wife, full time worker, trying to be super successful woman, friend, daughter, and everything at the same time? definitely no! I know that, but ca you have it all?

I am not a reader, I am a creator, I like to create. I like to create experiences, I create huge festivals, I love to decorate, I love to socialize, I love to build, and I am actually pretty amazing in what I do. the question is, why I do feel like this.

Lets start in 2012 when my change 360 degrees. but let’s talk about my father before going back all this time.

my father is want of the most important people in my life. He encouraged me to try new things and thought me the meaning of being alive. I remember he took me to do motor airplane, jet ski, small airplanes, very risky thing since a very early age, and because of that I am not scare of taking risk, big risk. The most unique think that my father, Orlando has is his condition. He is Paraplegic, that make him even more special and unique. everything that he lost when he lost the movement in his legs, he gained in personality.

I never knew he was paraplegic until later in life. I think he never allowed us to see his condition, so for me he could perfectly walked, even that that was not true. He tough me that nothing was impossible. Somehow I learned that happiness do not have to be conditioned to anything. I could find my happiness and pursuit until I feel I was happy. Off Course he taught me that there are somethings in life that cost more than others, but definitely never taught me the price of money, and the the sky was the limit

I saw my father thrived in life without being able to walk, so, how I could not do the same. I walk.